So, allegedly, Paris Hilton comes to Vegas to visit with one of her studs…Cy Waits. This young man happened to be one of Steve Wynn’s favorite club operators and had just been hired to run Wynn’s nightclub operations at Wynn LV and Encore. I use past tense purposely here, because of Mr. Wynn’s zero tolerance policy when it comes to drugs and arrests. As of today, Mr. Waits is no longer employed by Mr. Wynn. (applause for Steve Wynn inserted here.)

Anyway, allegedly, cops stopped the black SUV that Paris and Cy were tooling around town in, at about 11:30 Friday night, allegedly due to the smell of marijuana. Can you imagine such a thing from these crazy kids? Paris says she needs to use the bathroom so allegedly is escorted from the alleged Escalade into the Wynn hotel with a police escort, and as Paris pulls lip gloss from her purse (well you have to look good for a drug bust) what should fall out of said purse, but a baggie of cocaine…we’re told was allegedly 0.8 grams of the stuff.

But it gets better, allegedly she tells cops the purse isn’t really her’s…she’s borrowing it from a friend. Hmmm. Anyway, the two (Cy and Paris) are taken to jail and after about 3 hours, Paris is released. We are then told that there was no special treatment of Ms. Hilton, but that the jail was overcrowded, and she has no violent record, and yet later in the article, it is revealed that she was kept in an isolated, er uh, private cell during her short visit. Now, is there anyone reading this, that believes that if you were arrested due to 0.8 grams of coke in your purse, car, house, or neighborhood, that you would get a private cell and be released after 3 hours? But I digress.

What’s the matter with kids today? Well dear Paris, you are being charged, I understand with felony possession, and so I’m guessing you’ll have more opportunities to visit Vegas. Unfortunately what happened in Vegas in this case, did not just stay here…it’s all over the net, and maybe that’s OK…perhaps any publicity is better than no publicity in your case.

So bottom line is this…we aren’t all Paris Hilton’s, thankfully, but when we get in a bind; maybe it’s not cocaine, maybe it’s an unpaid warrant, or a traffic ticket that we just don’t have the time to deal with, there is a service, call it a “concierge” service that will handle your tickets and warrants and even defend you in case of a drug charge, or other criminal mischief. Call us at Ticket Busters 666-6666 or The Defenders 333-3333. We will be there to assist you.

Although Johnny Depp looked a little creepy in the previews for Alice in Wonderland, I took  my daughter to see it anyway.

It turns out the movie was spectacular! I came out sporting an English accent and waving my hands in a circular motion like the Good Witch. Umm…why is the good witch called the White Witch? Why does she have to be white? Is it symbolism in its subliminal form? Wow, sometimes I feel like I write like In Living Color’s *Oswald Bates (I just dated myself and will have to use a footnote!).

Perhaps, producers were making a religious reference to the White Light of the Lord? Why not brown, or tan witch? What about a Chicana Witch? Why did the bad witch, who was called the Red Witch, have an enormous head? Did Red refer to The Devil?

Bad witches are pretty too. Remember the movie, Mean Girls? The really creepy thing was how much I paid for a bottled water- 5 dollars! I usually take my own water with snacks from home, but I was unprepared this time.

I couldn’t justify spending so much on such a basic need, so, I deemed my experience divine and waved my hand and cast thy plain and simple water into holy water!

I have saved the receipt to see if any water droplets drip from the edges- tears of hard earned cash. I thought I saw an imprint of the Virgin Mary on my receipt.

Let me know if you see it too. Meanwhile keep away from the ”HOLY Moly! this is expensive” theatre-snack bar and take your burritos and water from home

Footnote*Damon Wayans plays an eloquent prison inmate whose vocabulary is full of incorrectly used clinical terms

 At least back in the day, Vegas mobsters didn’t hide their transgressions- in 1947 we knew gangsters like “Bugsy” Siegel ran Las Vegas. If these wiseguys were crossed, they planted a bomb in your car, set you house on fire, or whacked you execution style if a handshake was made bad. 

 Nowadays, these Clark County wiseguys are in disguise – they are our hero’s in uniform who come out to a scene where they know they are not needed just to show a high volume of calls –in order to justify their budget.

 Well…after making over $250,000 a year, what Gambino wouldn’t take their fire truck out for a spin?

 I think we’ve watched the movie Backdraft one to many times because if many of us saw Fireproof, Firefighters would be out on their butt- making a bass pay of $60,000, just because of Kirk Cameron’s horrible comeback. But, I digress…

 How about when Clark County Commissioner, Steve Sisolak questioned the county Firefighter’s contract and soon after received a threatening call by one of the bosses warning him that “he’d better hope his house doesn’t catch on fire.”

 Didn’t Sisolak know the rules of the neighborhood:

Never rat on your friends (firefighters get candidates elected and they intimidate opponents), and always keep your mouth shut-especially about the GoodFellas’ overtime scheme- a firefighter who is called in to cover someone who is sick or on vacation is paid the callback rate, which is time and a half.

 Just like the good ol’ boys from the neighborhood, these firefighters cover each other by cutting deals – one calls in, the other covers and then it’s reversed the next week.

 These modern day Goodfellas might be heading straight to the Witness Protection Program after last night’s I-team investigation exposed their heist.

 But, I hope these mafia union members don’t even think about putting a hit out on a Boss like George Knapp, he’s got ties and can make these gangsters live the rest of their lives like a schnook.

 Footnotes or cliff notes would really come in handy for those who do not work in the legal field. Nowadays, Wikipedia is just a Google click away, but who has time for such rhetoric. Nevertheless, there are those who read our blogs..I will make this short and sweet.   

 We have a three-tiered Court System:

 District Court or Trial Court- a Judgment is reached. If you find error in the judgment reached in district or trial court, you can appeal to the Appellate Court.

 Appellate Court or Court of Appeals:  Is made up of a panel of three judges who hear arguments on both sides.

 The Appellate Court has three options: 

• Change the judgment
• Remand send the case back to the lower court to change the judgment
• Send the case back to the lower court to keep the same judgment

 Supreme Court- All 50 states have their version of the Appeal to the Supreme Court.

 The Nevada Supreme Court is comprised of seven justices. There is no court higher than the Supreme Court- their decision is final.

 Cheaters, I mean the channel 8 I-team was on the scene exposing Governor Gibbons in his affair gone completely bad.

 But, what affair doesn’t go bad? It’s like a drug deal. Ever heard a news anchor say, “It was a drug deal gone bad.”

 Drug deals always go bad. There’s drugs exchanged for money, somebody gets high with illegal drugs and another person gets paid for illegal drugs.

 Of course, an affair is not illegal. These shenanigans have more to do with moral and ethics. Nevertheless, it always goes bad.

 Why do we continue to make an issue out of our politicians having affairs? Perhaps because they are elected officials running on platforms and they are held to a higher moral standard.

  Remember though, we are people running on platforms too.

 We have our religious platforms- Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Mormon and don’t forget the non-denominational or just plain atheist. Why should we judge? We are hypocrites. We stray all the time (drinking, gambling, cheating, omitting, one way or another we all lie) and we don’t have an entire camera crew trying to get us to confess, or do we?

  I called it in the beginning. I said, never trust a man without a bottom lip or is it a top lip? Either way. Our Governor was controversial before he was put in office. So, it seems we love the drama.

  A couple days after Chrissy Mazzeo yelled sexual assault we put him in office. All of a sudden we care about Jim’s girls in different area codes.

 Yes, last night our lipless Governor was caught in multiple lies – one after another.  This reminds me of…ah yes, Clinton – who we now pay to hear him whisper sweet nothings in our ear.

  While I was watching the video- I team vs. Gibbons, I felt myself pulling for Gibbons-  saying, come on, come on… just say, yes! Admit it and they will leave you alone. I guarantee you the camera crews would have backed off if he admitted to his special session. I’m’ just Monday night quarterbacking though.

 Until… I saw the girlfriend get in to the state vehicle. That stung a little. I felt like he was driving his girl around in the car that I pay for. Oh no he didn’t!

 For the record, I don’t agree with the Governors politics, but I do feel we have become sidetracked on the sensationalism of his personal life. Channel 8 has got us wrapped up in their own vendetta against the Governor.

So, shall our city go straight to rehab? Dr. Drew? Where were you on this one?

This poll doesn’t make any sense, we have the worlds happiest Mayor, Oscar Goodman! Goodman is so happy his nose is shiny red and bulbous.

OK, the first step to rehab is admitting to the problem: Nevada residents have been hit hard with the foreclosure crisis, unemployment rate is at 13.1 percent- higher than the entire nation (9.7 percent thus far).

Our service industry is suffering tremendously because we never saved for a rainy day- no, we didn’t save for our college education. However, you can say many residents helped fund some college tuition one lap dance at-a-time. Bygones…

Nevertheless, we are still not happy.

But, don’t blame us, blame our parents. Our Governor is out having affairs and then he up and gets a divorce. Papa Obama constantly refers to us as the red-head step-child (no, not literally) and never gives us any words of encouragement- which is very necessary for a family to thrive. Recovery is far ahead, but I doubt we are unhappy. Happy, Shiny, Bulbous People!

According to the list, the unhappiest city is Huntington, West Virginia. The happiest is Boulder, Colorado.

This is why yesterday’s Super Bowl win tasted like Pecan Pie for New Orleans and for many Americans. For the first time in NFL history the Saints came up and conquered, restoring hope to a city that has been in a struggling economy for the last four years.  

 After Hurricane Katrina, Americans showed solidarity and assisted New Orleans by setting up relief funds, medical aid, rebuilding houses, and donating time to America’s city in chaos.

 New Orleans hung in there, took their handouts and did what was necessary to survive after such a devastating event. But, yesterday was different.

 The Saints sent out one big thank you to all of America and finally won back their city fair and square. No more handouts. It was symbolism at its best. Maybe even a fairytale…the stories my mom would prelude with, “remember this is only imaginary.”

 After the game, I thought… finally some good karma, some divine intervention for this city. This is a perfect scenario for an economy that has been suffering for so long. This victory is sure to give New Orleans a good boost.

 However, my cynical side kicked in, the one where people yell not another conspiracy theory! No, not the voices in my head, but the die-hard Saints’ fans and of course my friends who always cheer for the underdog.

  I started to think… was this another handout given out by Corporate America? Was this an Ode to My Mum: putting out that disclaimer at the beginning of the fairytale?

 The NFL is big business… Did Peyton Manning take one for the other team? Or, did he take one for his home town?

 And, if the Colts did lose this Bowl for the betterment of society aren’t they the real heroes or are they just gettin paid.

 Didn’t this sort of thing happen with boxing too? After a while, we pretty much knew a fight might be fixed? It’s hard to believe that we can’t just have a good ol’ fashion American Football Fairytale rather than a Corporate American Hand-Me-Down Dream.

 Or, perhaps I’m still dealing with mommy issues?

 In the past the DMV took a drivers word when it came to proof of insurance, but since we can’t play well with others, we must abide by the new rule and pay.

 Before registering a car with the DMV, you must provide proof of insurance on the vehicle, if you cannot prove you have coverage or your insurance lapses drivers will be fined $250. Nevada Drivers will not have a seven-day grace period anymore.

 The DMV keeps track of lapses in insurance electronically and when lapses occur, it will prompt an automatic bill in the mail.

 So, it sounds like big brother is really looking out for us, or could it be a simple way to generate some state income?

 Either way, I guess it won’t hurt for Nevada drivers to grow up and become responsible adults.

The rider and another person on a motorcycle were speeding northbound on Lorenzi Street near Alta Drive. The car was also going northbound on Lorenzi when the rider hit the car’s back bumper.

According to police, the motorcycle was going so fast, it skidded more than 150 feet before stopping.  

Before riding on the back of a motorcycle with anybody I always ask if they’ve ever been in a motorcycle accident, if their reply is “no,” I don’t ride.

People who have been in motorcycle accidents and survive are most likely to use due care and don’t speed because they have experienced the ramifications.

These accident survivors have encountered one of the most horrific near death experiences- there are no fender benders in an accident involving a motorcycle- because the rider is always the most vulnerable.

Unfortunately, when you are dead there is no time to learn your lesson. Moral of the story- learn from others mistakes.

Our heart goes out to all of their family and friends.