Archive for the 'Cynthia De La Torre' Category

Pour Some Holy Water On Me

admin March 16th, 2010

 

Although Johnny Depp looked a little creepy in the previews for Alice in Wonderland, I took  my daughter to see it anyway.

It turns out the movie was spectacular! I came out sporting an English accent and waving my hands in a circular motion like the Good Witch. Umm…why is the good witch called the White Witch? Why does she have to be white? Is it symbolism in its subliminal form? Wow, sometimes I feel like I write like In Living Color’s *Oswald Bates (I just dated myself and will have to use a footnote!).

Perhaps, producers were making a religious reference to the White Light of the Lord? Why not brown, or tan witch? What about a Chicana Witch? Why did the bad witch, who was called the Red Witch, have an enormous head? Did Red refer to The Devil?

Bad witches are pretty too. Remember the movie, Mean Girls? The really creepy thing was how much I paid for a bottled water- 5 dollars! I usually take my own water with snacks from home, but I was unprepared this time.

I couldn’t justify spending so much on such a basic need, so, I deemed my experience divine and waved my hand and cast thy plain and simple water into holy water!

I have saved the receipt to see if any water droplets drip from the edges- tears of hard earned cash. I thought I saw an imprint of the Virgin Mary on my receipt.

Let me know if you see it too. Meanwhile keep away from the ”HOLY Moly! this is expensive” theatre-snack bar and take your burritos and water from home

Footnote*Damon Wayans plays an eloquent prison inmate whose vocabulary is full of incorrectly used clinical terms

Clark County Firefighters Walk Like GoodFellas

admin March 4th, 2010

Clark County Firefighters, now known as GoodFellas, are in current contract negotiations, and if these thugs don’t get what they want, they may have some people whacked.

 At least back in the day, Vegas mobsters didn’t hide their transgressions- in 1947 we knew gangsters like “Bugsy” Siegel ran Las Vegas. If these wiseguys were crossed, they planted a bomb in your car, set you house on fire, or whacked you execution style if a handshake was made bad. 

 Nowadays, these Clark County wiseguys are in disguise – they are our hero’s in uniform who come out to a scene where they know they are not needed just to show a high volume of calls –in order to justify their budget.

 Well…after making over $250,000 a year, what Gambino wouldn’t take their fire truck out for a spin?

 I think we’ve watched the movie Backdraft one to many times because if many of us saw Fireproof, Firefighters would be out on their butt- making a bass pay of $60,000, just because of Kirk Cameron’s horrible comeback. But, I digress…

 How about when Clark County Commissioner, Steve Sisolak questioned the county Firefighter’s contract and soon after received a threatening call by one of the bosses warning him that “he’d better hope his house doesn’t catch on fire.”

 Didn’t Sisolak know the rules of the neighborhood:

Never rat on your friends (firefighters get candidates elected and they intimidate opponents), and always keep your mouth shut-especially about the GoodFellas’ overtime scheme- a firefighter who is called in to cover someone who is sick or on vacation is paid the callback rate, which is time and a half.

 Just like the good ol’ boys from the neighborhood, these firefighters cover each other by cutting deals – one calls in, the other covers and then it’s reversed the next week.

 These modern day Goodfellas might be heading straight to the Witness Protection Program after last night’s I-team investigation exposed their heist.

 But, I hope these mafia union members don’t even think about putting a hit out on a Boss like George Knapp, he’s got ties and can make these gangsters live the rest of their lives like a schnook.

Court Jargon Simplified

admin March 1st, 2010

After reading an article about a murder case that was taken from the Florida court to the Florida Supreme Court, and then back to the Florida Court, I thought about how confusing the article must be for a person who lacks a basic legal background.

 Footnotes or cliff notes would really come in handy for those who do not work in the legal field. Nowadays, Wikipedia is just a Google click away, but who has time for such rhetoric. Nevertheless, there are those who read our blogs..I will make this short and sweet.   

 We have a three-tiered Court System:

 District Court or Trial Court- a Judgment is reached. If you find error in the judgment reached in district or trial court, you can appeal to the Appellate Court.

 Appellate Court or Court of Appeals:  Is made up of a panel of three judges who hear arguments on both sides.

 The Appellate Court has three options: 

  • Change the judgment
  • Remand send the case back to the lower court to change the judgment
  • Send the case back to the lower court to keep the same judgment

 Supreme Court- All 50 states have their version of the Appeal to the Supreme Court.

 The Nevada Supreme Court is comprised of seven justices. There is no court higher than the Supreme Court- their decision is final.

Governor Gibbons’ Girls in Different Area Codes

admin February 24th, 2010

Our state continues to live up to its reputation of politicians gone wild and we watch it like its great reality TV.

 Cheaters, I mean the channel 8 I-team was on the scene exposing Governor Gibbons in his affair gone completely bad.

 But, what affair doesn’t go bad? It’s like a drug deal. Ever heard a news anchor say, “It was a drug deal gone bad.”

 Drug deals always go bad. There’s drugs exchanged for money, somebody gets high with illegal drugs and another person gets paid for illegal drugs.

 Of course, an affair is not illegal. These shenanigans have more to do with moral and ethics. Nevertheless, it always goes bad.

 Why do we continue to make an issue out of our politicians having affairs? Perhaps because they are elected officials running on platforms and they are held to a higher moral standard.

  Remember though, we are people running on platforms too.

 We have our religious platforms- Lutheran, Catholic, Baptist, Mormon and don’t forget the non-denominational or just plain atheist. Why should we judge? We are hypocrites. We stray all the time (drinking, gambling, cheating, omitting, one way or another we all lie) and we don’t have an entire camera crew trying to get us to confess, or do we?

  I called it in the beginning. I said, never trust a man without a bottom lip or is it a top lip? Either way. Our Governor was controversial before he was put in office. So, it seems we love the drama.

  A couple days after Chrissy Mazzeo yelled sexual assault we put him in office. All of a sudden we care about Jim’s girls in different area codes.

 Yes, last night our lipless Governor was caught in multiple lies – one after another.  This reminds me of…ah yes, Clinton – who we now pay to hear him whisper sweet nothings in our ear.

  While I was watching the video- I team vs. Gibbons, I felt myself pulling for Gibbons-  saying, come on, come on… just say, yes! Admit it and they will leave you alone. I guarantee you the camera crews would have backed off if he admitted to his special session. I’m’ just Monday night quarterbacking though.

 Until… I saw the girlfriend get in to the state vehicle. That stung a little. I felt like he was driving his girl around in the car that I pay for. Oh no he didn’t!

 For the record, I don’t agree with the Governors politics, but I do feel we have become sidetracked on the sensationalism of his personal life. Channel 8 has got us wrapped up in their own vendetta against the Governor.

Sin and Sunshine Making Vegas go to Rehab

admin February 16th, 2010

Apparently sin and sunshine doesn’t guarantee you happiness. Our Las Vegas family is quite dysfunctional according to The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. It ranks 162 cities on the happiness of its residents-Las Vegas finished 145th on the list.

So, shall our city go straight to rehab? Dr. Drew? Where were you on this one?

This poll doesn’t make any sense, we have the worlds happiest Mayor, Oscar Goodman! Goodman is so happy his nose is shiny red and bulbous.

OK, the first step to rehab is admitting to the problem: Nevada residents have been hit hard with the foreclosure crisis, unemployment rate is at 13.1 percent- higher than the entire nation (9.7 percent thus far).

Our service industry is suffering tremendously because we never saved for a rainy day- no, we didn’t save for our college education. However, you can say many residents helped fund some college tuition one lap dance at-a-time. Bygones…

Nevertheless, we are still not happy.

But, don’t blame us, blame our parents. Our Governor is out having affairs and then he up and gets a divorce. Papa Obama constantly refers to us as the red-head step-child (no, not literally) and never gives us any words of encouragement- which is very necessary for a family to thrive. Recovery is far ahead, but I doubt we are unhappy. Happy, Shiny, Bulbous People!

According to the list, the unhappiest city is Huntington, West Virginia. The happiest is Boulder, Colorado.

Football Fairytale or Fable?

admin February 8th, 2010

Americans love a good comeback, a rags-to-riches story, an innocent man who gets justice or victory for a city that has been living in turmoil.

This is why yesterday’s Super Bowl win tasted like Pecan Pie for New Orleans and for many Americans. For the first time in NFL history the Saints came up and conquered, restoring hope to a city that has been in a struggling economy for the last four years.  

 After Hurricane Katrina, Americans showed solidarity and assisted New Orleans by setting up relief funds, medical aid, rebuilding houses, and donating time to America’s city in chaos.

 New Orleans hung in there, took their handouts and did what was necessary to survive after such a devastating event. But, yesterday was different.

 The Saints sent out one big thank you to all of America and finally won back their city fair and square. No more handouts. It was symbolism at its best. Maybe even a fairytale…the stories my mom would prelude with, “remember this is only imaginary.”

 After the game, I thought… finally some good karma, some divine intervention for this city. This is a perfect scenario for an economy that has been suffering for so long. This victory is sure to give New Orleans a good boost.

 However, my cynical side kicked in, the one where people yell not another conspiracy theory! No, not the voices in my head, but the die-hard Saints’ fans and of course my friends who always cheer for the underdog.

  I started to think… was this another handout given out by Corporate America? Was this an Ode to My Mum: putting out that disclaimer at the beginning of the fairytale?

 The NFL is big business… Did Peyton Manning take one for the other team? Or, did he take one for his home town?

 And, if the Colts did lose this Bowl for the betterment of society aren’t they the real heroes or are they just gettin paid.

 Didn’t this sort of thing happen with boxing too? After a while, we pretty much knew a fight might be fixed? It’s hard to believe that we can’t just have a good ol’ fashion American Football Fairytale rather than a Corporate American Hand-Me-Down Dream.

 Or, perhaps I’m still dealing with mommy issues?

Nevada DMV, Friend or Foe?

admin February 3rd, 2010

Apparently 15 percent of Nevada Drivers are uninsured according to KTVN Channel 2 news, which has caused our DMV to become babysitters or debt collectors.

 In the past the DMV took a drivers word when it came to proof of insurance, but since we can’t play well with others, we must abide by the new rule and pay.

 Before registering a car with the DMV, you must provide proof of insurance on the vehicle, if you cannot prove you have coverage or your insurance lapses drivers will be fined $250. Nevada Drivers will not have a seven-day grace period anymore.

 The DMV keeps track of lapses in insurance electronically and when lapses occur, it will prompt an automatic bill in the mail.

 So, it sounds like big brother is really looking out for us, or could it be a simple way to generate some state income?

 Either way, I guess it won’t hurt for Nevada drivers to grow up and become responsible adults.

Don’t Judge…

admin January 4th, 2010

It is no surprise that domestic violence escalates during the holidays. People are forced into awkward family situations and forced to mingle with people we dislike- like our family members!

 Cavemen are all shoved into a room and told to get along. Put alcohol and the financial stress into the mix and ummm …maybe some pink golf clubs a certain someone got for Christmas and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

 Take one family for the sacrificial lamb, a brother who’s contemplating divorce from his wife, a sister-in-laws’ sister whose playing hard to get with her ex-boyfriend who brought along his daughter (who just got out of rehab) and grandson.  

 A picture-perfect holiday gathering. Yes, the all-American family.

 Don’t judge if you think this family is dysfunctional. Just wait until next year- one to many appletinis and you are one step away from one very bad mug shot. Stay sober!

Charlie Sheen's MugShot

Charlie Sheen's MugShot

Officer Shooting Unsettling

admin November 19th, 2009

This morning some of us woke up to news of an off-duty police officer who died after getting shot in his own home. His wife, mother and two kids were inside the home when several gun shots were heard in the garage. The officer got shot after arriving from work.

 According to a Fox 5 reporter, it was a random act; I even heard home invasion thrown around a couple times. But, why does my gut tell me it was not a random act or home invasion, but rather someone with an axe to grind with the young officer. I think this act of violence was personal.

 Police officers write tickets and arrest those who are suspected of committing crimes and most of us take that personal, but we let go because we are sensible- police officers are only doing their job.

 However, it is unsettling when I read about this particular officer’s tragedy and view an RJ reader comment say, “Anytime a cop is killed is a good day.”

 Really…these men and women still have family and friends who love them, they have kids, and a wife who is relieved when she hears the garage door open and shut to mean that her husband has made it home safe for one more day. 

 When it comes to a tragedy that strikes a police officer, it seems these men and women in uniform get less sympathy from our community.

 Over the past couple of months we have had two officers die while on duty because they were speeding in their patrol car.

  If it were a civilian who got killed after speeding, the community would not hold back on the outpouring of sympathy.

 Yet, some people were reluctant to show compassion towards these officers because of the circumstances surrounding their deaths. We must remember that police officers are human, they have families they love, they speed, they make mistakes, and sometimes they even take a bullet in the place of someone else.

 My sympathies go out to the METRO officer’s family and friends.

Cruisin’ Strippers Cause Concerns

admin November 16th, 2009

For the Déjà vu Strip Club, business must be bad if they are forced to take their show on the road- their freak-show! Good marketing… bad advertising! Who wants to go to the Déjà vu strip club to see all those muffin tops strut their stuff?

 The Déjà vu girls, who were in a truck with clear plastic sides, were pole dancing as the truck cruised down the Las Vegas Boulevard. Our county commissioner vowed to shut it down because of the concerns over safety- people might get distracted.

 Distracted over the overweight girls in bikinis? Hmmm… Vegas must be in a bad economy when our strippers cannot get to the treadmill before their shift begins.

 The real concern is – our strippers are not hot anymore!

 But, in “their” defense- the “their” being the thin, sexy strippers who I know were getting their beauty rest while the muffin tops were out with the circus,  ”they” are never on the day shift.   

Las Vegans know that the day-shift belongs to all the below-average, muffin tops.  But, what concerns me is that our tourists don’t know that. So, seriously, what kind of image are we putting out there?

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